EMDR: What it is, how it works, and why it can help with fear of flying

Fear of flying can creep into your life in surprising ways. Some people experience a single frightening flight and suddenly find themselves getting tense even at the thought of an airport. Others have never had a “bad flight” at all, yet still feel their stomach tighten when they picture take-off.

Fear of flying affects people in lots of different ways. For some, it’s a flutter of nerves before take-off. For others, it can be so overwhelming that just seeing a plane overhead brings on a knot in the stomach. And if you’ve ever found yourself thinking, This is ridiculous, why can’t I just get over it?, you’re definitely not alone.

One approach that many people don’t know much about is EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It’s a long name for something surprisingly straightforward, and it’s become a helpful option for people who feel stuck with flying anxiety.

Below is a simple, down-to-earth guide to what EMDR is and why it’s worth considering if flying has become something you dread.

So… what actually is EMDR?

EMDR was originally developed to help people recover from trauma, but over the years it’s been used successfully for all sorts of anxiety problems, including phobias and panic around flying.

The basic idea is this:

Sometimes when something frightening or overwhelming happens, your brain doesn’t finish processing the experience fully. Instead of being stored as a “normal” memory, it sits in the mind a bit raw, so with the emotions, physical sensations, and beliefs still attached. When something reminds you of that moment later, your system reacts as if it’s happening again.

This is why a bump of turbulence, the smell of an airport, or even booking a flight can set off a surge of fear, even when you logically know you’re safe.

EMDR helps the brain finish the job it didn’t complete at the time. Once it’s properly processed, the memory no longer carries the same emotional punch.

How does EMDR actually work?

If you’ve ever heard people talk about EMDR, it can sound a bit odd at first, something about eye movements or tapping? But the process itself is very grounded.

During EMDR, you briefly focus on an image, feeling, or belief linked to the fear while doing something that stimulates each side (hemisphere) of the brain in an alternating fashion, which are known as bilateral stimulations. There are different ways to do this, including following the therapist’s fingers with your eyes as they move side-to-side, or listening to alternating tones through headphones or using whats known as a butterfly taps (kind of like giving yourself a hug!)

This “dual attention” helps your mind stay rooted in the present while revisiting the past. It seems to allow the brain to make new connections and update the old, stuck material. You don’t have to tell the whole story or relive anything in detail. The process is surprisingly gentle and steady.

People often say things like:

• “It still happened, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming anymore.”

• “The memory is there, but it feels further away.”

• “My body doesn’t react the same way.”

And that’s the goal... not erasing the past, but taking away its grip.

Why EMDR is so helpful for fear of flying

Fear of flying is nearly always about association, not logic. You can know every statistic about the safety of air travel, but if your nervous system has linked flying with danger, it’s your body that’s running the show.

EMDR is well suited to this because it works directly with those stored associations and the body’s alarm system.

Here’s why it helps:

1. It untangles past scary moments connected to flying

You might not think of yourself as having “trauma,” but even smaller experiences, a horrible jolt of turbulence, a panic attack on board, a sudden drop in altitude, can stick in the nervous system.

EMDR helps take the sting out of these memories so they stop setting off alarm bells.

2. It settles the physical side of fear

So much of flight anxiety is physical: the racing heart, the tightness in the chest, the sense of being trapped. EMDR often reduces these sensations because your body no longer believes you’re in danger.

3. It helps with the build-up before a flight

Many people say the worst part isn’t the flight itself but instead it’s the anticipatory worry. EMDR can reduce this by disconnecting flying from the “something bad is going to happen” feeling.

4. It works even if you can’t pinpoint the cause

Some people have always been anxious flyers without any specific memory to blame. EMDR can target the feelings themselves, i.e. the images, bodily reactions, or beliefs that show up (“I’ll lose control,” “I won’t cope,” etc.).

5. It pairs beautifully with skills-based approaches

If you’re working with ACT (the basis of our fear of flying course), EMDR can make those tools even more effective. It's not an either or, they can blend together beautifully. EMDR clears the old fear pathways, and ACT helps you build confidence moving forward.

What a typical EMDR process looks like

You don’t jump straight into reprocessing. There’s a steady build-up:

• First, you and your therapist talk about your flying anxiety, where it comes from, what it feels like, and what you want to change.

• Next, you’ll learn grounding skills so you feel secure and supported.

• Then, when you’re ready, the therapist guides you through short sets of eye movements or tapping while you tune into the fear or memory.

• Over time, the distress begins to shift. The intensity drops. Your thoughts change. Your body relaxes.

• Finally, you rehearse future flights so your system learns a new pattern: This is safe. I can handle this.

Sessions are paced at whatever speed feels right for you.

Remember, fear isn’t weakness, it’s a stuck alarm

Fear of flying isn’t irrational, dramatic, or a character flaw. It’s a nervous system doing its best to protect you, even if the alarm has become a little too sensitive.

EMDR helps that alarm reset. It gives your brain the chance to update old information so you can fly with more ease, more confidence, and more freedom.

For many people, that shift is the first big step toward turning flying back into something possible, and sometimes even enjoyable, again.